I always go back and forth in my opinion of exactly how big God is. Today He is huge and I need to try to remember that. For the last couple months, the weight of what I had been asked to do had been sitting on my brain like a ton of Vicodin. Appearing to make me feel good, but just placing me in a fog that was still very painful. I have been unable to swim out from under the haze and actually trust that God had this one.
Last night I had one of those moments when I realized how small my opinion of God was and how that was affecting my opinion of my task. I was sitting in church listening to a sermon on how God who was from the beginning has shown Himself to us so that we can get close. Get close, who do I think I am to be able to get close? I have put the call that GOD gave me on the shelf because I was tired. I was reminded that it all comes back to my perspective God. Do I really need Him, does He even need me a little? Even when I am following God's plan to a T, He does not need me, and I am not any more or less deserving of His grace. When I am "perfect" I still am unable to approach His throne without my Intercesor.
My mess that I've made of my life, call, and resources is not more difficult for Him than anything else. But when I crave His presence, it brings joy to His heart.
To hear the message: www.parkcommunitychurch.org/media/
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